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Photo: Mimi Taylor (Instagram)

Life has a way of throwing you off momentum at times when you feel like you’re on a roll. Since the last time I did a major life update on the blog, I was finishing up my internship and was looking for full time employment following my exit from the company I was working at. While I knew that my job search journey would be a long journey, I never realized how many road blocks I’d hit and how much I’d begin to question myself.

In the whirlwind of fashion week after fashion week and not making much headway even though I sent out a good 20-30 resumes to different fashion companies, I decided to take a step back and do some soul searching. I realized that I can’t rely on odd jobs and the help of my family for so long while hoping that a company would eventually contact me in response to my resume. My student loan grace period is beginning to inch closer and closer each day and it began to feel like each day is a gamble waiting for a call back.

In the meantime, I’ve taken up two part time jobs to start saving up money and help pay some bills at home. There’s no shame and there should be no shame in me going back to working minimum wage jobs to make ends meet. Fast forward into a month of working and I’ve begun to ask some really hard questions I’ve either avoided or have not thought about before.

“Am I willing to work long hours Β for very little pay to build up my experience?”

“How am I going to make ends meet if I choose to go down this route?”

“How much am I willing to sacrifice in order to carve a career for myself in fashion?”

“Will it be worth it in the end? Will I feel fulfilled if I’m able to accomplish this?”

“How can I market my experience for these companies? Am I qualified enough?”

Taking on these part time jobs has allowed me to take a step back and put my cards on the table and examine what I want out of life. For the past year, from last April until the end of my internship in March, I really haven’t had the time to sit down and really think about what I REALLY want out of life and to clarify a path for myself. I feel like I kind of just winged everything without making much of a plan for myself. I was running on adrenaline and just reacting to whatever was thrown my way.

I don’t know how long this in-between period of my life will last, but I know it’s a much needed respite. I’m taking it as a nice long summer break between two very different chapters of my life.

So besides working, what have I been doing?

I’ve continued using my bullet journal (should I create a bullet journal section in the blog??) and allowed it to evolve as my life has changed. I’ve been slowly reading 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami, I’ve bought myself a beautiful grown up coloring book by Johanna Basford and have slowly begun to fill in the pages with therapeutic coloring (trust me its the most calming thing you can do in your day!). I’ve also been going out to different social spaces like instameets, church, and online communities to make new friends and learn new skills. This reminds me of gap years that some high school seniors take between graduating from high school and entering college to do some soul searching.

I feel content with where I’m at right now. I read online that when you feel like life is pulling you back, you need to understand that it’s getting ready to launch you into a new direction just like an arrow. For now, I’m happy where I’m at. A little sleep deprived and stressed on occasion, but still happy and content.