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Last week I celebrated my 24th birthday and it really hasn’t dawned on me until recently that I had just hit my mid 20s. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been working so much that time has flown by faster than I had predicted. My internship with Black Orchid ended 3 months ago but it still feels like yesterday that I was working on editing photos for my boss and running errands in downtown LA. On top of that, it’s been almost 7 months since I’ve graduated from college and moved back home.

Come to think of it, 23 went by in a blur. Perhaps my perception of time has went out the window as soon as I graduated from college because everyday seems to have a routine and days just kind of meshed together at this point.

Is this what post-grad life is like?

It certainly wasn’t what I had hoped it would turn out to be, to be quite honest with you. Just before graduating, I dreamt of moving back home for only a few months while I interned in LA. Then I would land a decent job working in a fashion label and move out into a small apartment and start a quiet life. But as I’m writing this, its 7.5 months into post grad and I’m still living in my parent’s house.

Perhaps this weirdly crushing feeling of uncertainty comes from the fact that I woke up realizing that I’M NOW 24 AND NOWHERE NEAR WHERE I WANT TO BE IN LIFE. Most college graduates are about 21 years old, and because it took me a bit longer to finish both of my degrees, I graduated as a 23 year old. By now, most of the friends that graduated on time had already begun their careers. My best friend is preparing to start a job in county, my old roommate has already had almost 2 years of work experience and is prepping to go into grad school, one of my pledge sisters just moved out to her own place in Irvine working as a successful accountant, and another pledge sister is renewing her contract to work as an English teacher in South Korea.

It’s hard not to feel unaccomplished and discouraged seeing your friends get their lives together and you’re still trying to figure out what to do next. As happy as I am for them, I’m also scared that I’ll never be able to become as independent as they are. My biggest fear is becoming one of those people, who, at 30 are still wandering around aimlessly in life without goals, ambitions, or a career to work on.

Looking back on it, 23 was the year of fear and uncertainty. But sometimes, uncertainty breeds hope and fear breeds determination. This post isn’t about me bemoaning my situation, but rather, me knowing that this isn’t where I want to be in life, and I’m going to change it. This post is something I want to look back at on my 25th birthday and say “Wow, I really shouldn’t have been so worried when I wrote this”.